Mastering Rumination: Transforming Pre-Thoughts into Empowering Plans

I'm going to give you a strategy today to deal with rumination. You know, those mental thoughts that keep circling and circling in your brain, the same ones you had yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. These thoughts are often about your hidden concerns, worries, and fears that haven't been resolved. As a result, you keep ruminating on them over and over.

In our programs here at ANMC Holistic Health, we have a whole module dedicated to rumination. We focus a lot on creating new neural pathways. It's easy for the brain to save energy by following the same thought patterns repeatedly. The brain's job is to preserve energy, so it often doesn't put in the effort to create new paths of thought. This requires work and effort. This is where affirmations, meditations, and focused thinking come in. However, it's challenging because it's much easier to follow the same old neural pathways and thoughts we've always had.

So, I'm going to give you some insight and a strategy that I work through with people. I call it 'pre-think, pre-plan'.

It's a bit of a mouthful, but anytime you're ruminating, you're essentially pre-thinking. I call it pre-thinking because your nervous system's job is to keep you safe; it's a survival mindset. Happiness, joy, peace, and calm are found in a thrival mindset, which is a physiological state where you're in the parasympathetic nervous system. When you're in a pre-thinking state, you're constantly alert, thinking things through repeatedly.

You do that for safety. The problem is, it just cycles again and again, and we end up with rumination. We end up with ruminative thoughts. It's important for you to know that you're pre-thinking. If you're worried about something, like a party you're hosting, you might think: Is everything going to go well? Will the caterer arrive on time? What is my mother-in-law going to think? Are these two people going to get along? Will so-and-so show up? Is everybody going to be happy? Are they having a good time? There are all kinds of thoughts.

And the goal of the brain is to minimize chaos and hardship. So thinking is good! When you're pre-thinking, you're in a survival state, thinking for safety. You're wondering: What could go wrong? What threats might I face? What defenses do I need to prepare? If you notice you're pre-thinking, it's because you're not at the party yet. You're not in the moment where you can make decisions based on reality. Instead, you're planning ahead for a future that hasn't happened yet. There's no reality or truth there—it's not real yet. You're trying to anticipate and plan for things before they've occurred.

Now, it's not necessarily bad to do that, but it can become problematic if our thoughts dwell there. So if you notice that you're pre-thinking, consider it as pre-planning. When these thoughts arise for safety, recognize that it's your nervous system's way of keeping you safe—anticipating all possible outcomes. Acknowledge that you're in a survival state, in a sympathetic dominant state, or what we call the 'Sam' state. If that's the case, let's turn it into a pre-plan.

When my son was younger, he used to think about every possible bad thing that could happen. He would say, 'Mom, what if a rocket ship fell from the sky and landed on our house?' As parents, our tendency is to dismiss that anxiety because it's not a reality for us. But for them, it's a very real concern. We might inadvertently teach them to ignore their worries and anxieties, implying that fear and 'what ifs' are just signals to check for danger and move on once we find we're safe. However, that's not how a child thinks.

Instead of saying, 'Evan, that won't happen. You're okay, Mom's here,' I chose to address his fear and worry head-on. I acknowledged his concern, saying, 'That sounds really scary. I can see why you're worried.' He would agree with me. Then I would ask, 'What would we do if that happened?' We'd make a plan together, and once he had a plan, he would feel better.

Ignoring or dismissing their worries doesn't help. It's important to engage with their thoughts and fears rather than brushing them aside or saying they're not valid.

People often tell me that the key factor of anxiety is its unknown nature—the feeling just exists without a clear cause. However, I would argue that it's not necessarily true. Anxiety often follows patterns of learned behavior, starting from a young age. For instance, imagine a five-year-old heading to kindergarten for the first time, expressing fear: 'Mommy, what if the other kids don't like me? What if the teacher is mean? What if I don't know what to do?' As parents, our instinct is to reassure them and diminish their worries, saying, 'You'll be fine, you'll love it, don't worry, have a great day!' Yet, by doing this, we miss an opportunity to teach our children how to address their feelings and use them to assess if there's any real danger that needs attention.

So instead, for this child, we could say, 'It sounds like you have some big thoughts about this. This is a change, something new. It's a transition. Let's talk about how we feel. I've felt this way before during different changes. What would help you feel better?' We can teach people how to cope with anxiety so that when they're 30 or 40 and they experience that unknown anxiety.

Really, it's because they've been trained not to address worry or anxiety in the present moment. So let's address feelings and ruminations in the present moment. If there's a problem, the brain doesn't distinguish between what's real and what's imagined.

So if you're making, you literally could make up a problem in your head, and which is essentially what you're doing. If you're pre thinking, you're thinking into the future, it isn't a real problem yet, because it doesn't exist yet. And so it really is a, it's a fake thing. It's not real, it's in your imagination, and the brain doesn't know the difference between something that is really happening right now, or something that is imaginary. And so what it does, minds job is to solve problems. And so even if you feel perfectly fine, happy, your mind is always looking for a problem to solve, because that's what it does. That's its job.

So if you notice that you're ruminating—thinking about something in the future that may or may not happen—it's largely your imagination envisioning the worst-case scenario to keep you safe. It's a survival mechanism. We assess our immediate environment to see if there's any current threat to address. Then, for things we anticipate in the future, we can create a pre-plan. When you notice you're ruminating about a future event, you can pre-plan: 'If this were to happen, here's what I would do.' Visualize yourself carrying out those actions. This empowers your mind and gives you a sense of readiness if that situation arises.

I also encourage people to consider that worrying about something that doesn't yet exist used to be seen as a positive trait—thinking and planning ahead. However, research shows that this is akin to multitasking; your mind isn't truly present, where you can make genuine decisions based on reality. The present moment is where truth exists. When we worry, our minds can become disjointed, lacking harmony between different parts, because we're in survival mode. This typically involves the brain regions focused on survival, especially if our ruminations cause stress and worry, which is often the case.

If you notice that you're pre-thinking about something in the future, a thought you've been ruminating on, consider giving it a pre-plan. Think about what you would do if it were to happen.

Also, notice that when you're pre-thinking, it means you're in sympathetic dominance—your body is in fight-or-flight mode, what we call the 'Sam' state. This is a signal that you're experiencing emotions and stress. Fear serves a purpose: it alerts us to check our surroundings, like scanning for a tiger, to assess if there's an immediate threat we need to address.

Understand that this is what your body and mind are doing when you're pre-thinking or ruminating. I like to offer people a tactic, a skill.

When you notice that you do this frequently, it disempowers you and can induce anxiety. If it's a habit you find yourself in often, you can train yourself out of it using a cue that you incorporate into your routine.

For example, a woman who felt nervous about giving speeches, something that didn't come naturally to her, always wore a necklace with a pendant. I had her hold the pendant between her thumb and forefinger and squeeze it. Each time she squeezed the pendant, I had her repeat, 'I am strong and confident. I am called to do this work. I am strong, I am confident, I am called to do this work.' She would repeat this affirmation as many times as necessary. This technique provides a physical response to a perceived threat or fear.

So now, when she's actually in the presence of being backstage and getting ready to give her speech, she can wordlessly (people could be right in front of her, unaware of what she's doing) just grab that pendant and squeeze it between her thumb and forefinger. Automatically, her brain triggers the feeling of being strong, confident, and called to do this. It's akin to Pavlov's dogs—if you've heard that story—where he trained the dogs to salivate at the ringing of a bell. Essentially, what we're doing is empowering you with a powerful skill.

Others have used a rubber band worn on their wrist to train themselves to focus on the thought or feeling they desire. They snap the band on their wrist while repeating their key phrase. When they find themselves in a nerve-wracking situation with sweaty palms and nerves, snapping the band reminds them of their affirmations.

Notice, a lot of what we can learn from our bodies comes from observing our behaviors. Step back and observe—notice if you find yourself pre-thinking often, with a mind that never seems to quiet down, always ruminating on the same thoughts. It's interesting how we perceive new challenges when, in reality, they often stem from the same underlying thoughts.

So if you notice that you are pre-thinking, understand that your body is doing it out of a survival response. Take a moment to assess your surroundings and determine if there's an actual threat, like being chased by a tiger. Then, create a pre-plan and use a cue—whether it's a body part, a piece of jewelry, or something else—to remind yourself of the truth, of reality.