What is Your "If Only, then..." ?
We’ve heard that often…that you can’t expect to live a happy life thinking “If only I had a better job, spouse, kids, home…then I’d be happy.
For one, you’re not living in the present very well with an idea like this, and this is really the only place decisions can be made from; not what you ANTICIPATE to happen in the future, not what you are worried could happen again from the past; but right NOW with all the information you can gather about the current situation.
Here are some thoughts for “if only…then” thinking:
The way out of this thinking is to start LIVING IT! Instead of thinking about some perceived event happening that’s going to change everything and you are at the mercy of destiny’s planning, why not take charge and YOU plan it. For example: If you say, “If only I didn’t have this debt, then I’d feel less stressed and could back off on overtime”. The question I would ask you is: “ok, yeah, what WOULD you do if that were the case?” Think about it. What would you do? Work less? Put some money toward that remodel you’ve been wanting? Have a day for playdates instead of overtime? Well you just got your answer on what to DO (since essentially that’s what we’re always looking for; the recipe for the “to do”). This is what you want, create it.
Usually, we’ve trained ourselves to live from the “if only…then” because we have doubts about our own self worth, or don’t employ confidence in our value. We’ve been raised in a society of better than, and of “can’t have unless” criteria. All of these concepts have hindered us from using what ALL of us have, no matter what our societal status: a soul with a purpose divinely guided, and human will. Thus, we make our decisions according to societal norms because of fear in stepping out and failing. “See, who did you think you were, anyway?” Prevents our creation and possible success.
If you temper your dream by thinking “I do want....if THESE things were to happen”. Well you do want something or you don’t. IF thinking doesn’t get you anywhere, because IF talks about a time in the past or future. Remember you can only make decisions from what is true right NOW. Make a decision based on that. If what you want is to work less overtime and have more time with your family, start planning that time. Stop living for the bills. That’s no kind of life. If you want to start that remodel, start setting aside an amount each week. Trusting your dream is a step out in faith. To do anything else is to do what is crazy: to continue doing the same thing expecting a different result. How well has what you have been doing worked for you? Are you out of that debt yet? Are you likely to win the lottery and change the circumstance tomorrow? Chances are no and what is true for you right now is that you have so much money coming in, you’re going to have that debt indefinitely, you feel like your life is stressed and yet you have the answer for what would make you feel less stressed. DO IT! It’s not being less responsible. The true meaning of “responsibility” originally was “the ability to respond”. And aren’t you? You are responding to your needs, to your family’s needs, to your desires and dreams with a plan for a happier future. You are still responding to the debt by making your payments. Remember, it’s all created in and from our minds anyway, we might as well start creating something where we can thrive rather than survive. Just think, that day of playdate might lift you back into the person you want to be so much that you’ll actually accomplish more at work than if you were doggedly and begrudgingly doing it! You’re here. You exist. HOW you exist is up to you.
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